1.12.2016

Open Wide

I have a new favorite website to help me waste my money on stuff to make me fat. Doesn't that sound like an enticing prospect? LOL Mouth.com is relatively new, and I found out about it because my girl Carla Hall (who I've met, so I'm famous and fab by association, right?) curated a collection of her favorites on the site and shared it on her Facebook page. I'm sharing it with you of my own volition - not some paid endorsement razzmatazz. 

It's like Zingermans for hipsters, with the added bonus of booze. Think jams, peanut butter, cookies, sweets, cheese, bacon, and seasonings. Many are from Brooklyn, that annoying hotbed of artisanal, self-righteous deliciousness. Seriously, these millenials are incorrigible, but damn their absolute belief in their own individuality and preciousness leads to some good eats.

In my first order, I went for carrot cake jam, beer mustard, a salt/pepper mix by Marc Murphy that actually was disappointing, and these cookies, which rocked my world.


These are deep and nutty with brown sugar and butter flavors and spiked with enough salt to take the edge off all the sweetness, plus the slight tang of a shortbread base. Absolutely wonderful.

Carrot jam is my favorite, but if your jam jam is, well, based in actual fruit, Mouth has plenty of options:


And then they have their products curated into groups for your particular food obsessions. Guess which one is mine? 


I also ordered some of that bacon jam, and a tiny spoonful of it in a portion of stone ground oatmeal is a perfect breakfast treat with a soft boiled egg over top.

The site specializes in indie, artisanal foods made in America, so it's cool to know you're supporting small purveyors with your purchase, even if most of those schmucks have dumb beards and wear skinny jeans. I can't really deal with a lanky 24 year old named Jezekiah who owns a bike instead of a car and has to budget for mustache cream each month, but if he'll make me some really tasty, handmade bourbon marshmallows that cost $11 but revolutionize my hot cocoa, I might call us even.


There's some really fun stuff on the site, like something called Sparkle Bark, smoked chocolate chips, beer-infused pasta, and fun pickles. So check out Mouth.com for yourself. It's a new year! Try new things! It's one of my new favorite online haunts, and you never know when you'll stumble upon a signature ingredient for your kitchen. My personality is big; my hunger is bigger!


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